I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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