Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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