He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
