I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
