Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
