he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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