I want to make a zoo with you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
