Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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