I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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