i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
