remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
