When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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