I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't make out with my wife yet
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
