Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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