you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
