Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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