i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
