Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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