I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
