just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
