i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
