Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
