So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
