Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
