he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
