we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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