I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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