I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
