i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
