i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
