Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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