Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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