I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His hands were made for my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
