Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
