i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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