Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
