Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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