It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
