I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
