He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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