i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize