Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
