we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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