Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
