Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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