Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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