How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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