Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
