Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
