Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize