do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
