I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize