Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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