do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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