I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
