How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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