You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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