I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
