Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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