roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
