Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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