I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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