Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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