haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
